I don’t miss my ex, I miss our baby...

I was with my ex for over a year, and we were raising her biological child, who was an infant when we got together. The relationship turned abusive and I had the child’s father (close friend) come get the baby and I left. I had to cut off and block all communication with my ex, but my heart is breaking because I miss the baby. We weren’t married, and I had no legal right to the child. She didn’t know I wasn’t her mother, she was just a toddler when I left. She called me Mama. I don’t know what to do.