Is it REALLY possible to not be in love with someone you’ve been with for 10+ years?

Question

I just find it so hard to believe that at one time you can love someone and  be with them for such a long time (you’re a part of their family and they yours) and then just... not. I have a friend who has been with his girlfriend for 12 years and says he fell out of love with her 5 years ago. They have kids together and that’s why he stays. He says he still “loves her” but is not “in love” with her. His family loves her and her family loves him. They seemed so perfect. Beautiful couple! It makes no sense. I had no idea he was only with her anymore for the kids only. Does anyone have similar stories??

Answer

I disagree w Sidney . Its very possible. You can fall “out of love” and “back in love” multiple times over the course of a relationship. Its hard work; it really is.

Answer

As much as I wish my husband and I could be in love forever, anything can happen, and nothing is promised. I’ve watched many people in my life fall out of love and heck I’ve seen it within my own relationships that just weren’t meant to be. But, I’ve also seen couples who are now in theirs 80s still love each other like the first time they met. Life is what you make it, but it is also a surprise. That’s why you enjoy every day since tomorrow is not guaranteed.

Answer

People fall out of love. They grow apart, change...and if you're with the wrong one, you will fall out of love. 
Keeping a long term relationship is hard at times tho. I've been with mine 16yrs in November. We've had our ups and downs but we are super close and very happy, and very much in love still.

Answer

Yep!! I adore the father of my children and I am 100% positive that I absolutely am not "in love" with him, the thought of being sexual in any with him literally makes me sick, but as a friend I adore him

Answer

I felt that way about my child's father. I'll always love him but I'll never be in love with him again. It was more than one thing that made me fall out of love. It would have actually been 10 years together had I not left. But people grow up and people change and sometimes relationships don't work out. 
My parents stayed together for the kids and made my life miserable growing up. I told myself I would never put my child through that. So when I fell out of love I broke things off. It's not healthy to lie to kids and for parents just to be in a relationship because of the kids. It will hurt them in the end.

Answer

This seems so hard because it really depends on the couple. I’ve known some couples who fall out of love and then work on it and manage to bring back the romance. For the most part however, once infatuation fades, it’s kind of a test to see if you and the person are really compatible. It’s not too terribly hard to find someone and have romance, passion, and that “in love” feeling with. Keeping it is the hard part. After that fades you decide if you’re going to stay or go. Having kids together seems to be the number one reason people hold onto relationships that are past their expiration date.

Answer

Unfortunately Im coming to this sad realisation myself. Been with my hubby for 12 years now and the affection and lust has disappeared. I tend to initiate intimate times, but not so much because Im interested in him like I once was, moreso out of need for passion & some affection occasionally. I recently found myself fantacising about someone else who I thought showed me some attention, but alas I think I misread their signals and was left even flatter and alone thereafter. I love my husband as a person, a father to my child, but not sure I am 'in love' with him anymore like we once were many years ago. We are trying to work on it together, but I fear it may not help. :-(

Answer

Love eventually becomes a choice for most people after infatuation fades. It’s no longer this exciting thing, you start choosing to love them and find those things in them.

Answer

if you "fall out of love" you never loved the person at all it was just infactuaution.

Is it REALLY possible to not be in love with someone you’ve been with for 10+ years?

Let’s Glow

Glow is here for you on your path to pregnancy

25+ million

4.8 stars

20+

Getting Pregnant

Pregnancy

1st Year (Baby & You)

Baby Products