My mindset is not in a very good place right now

So me and my boyfriend was talking and he randomly brings up a question about my past it was a hard question he kept asking more and more about it but it keeps upsetting me when he finally realized it upset me he stopped but it left me with this unwanted and empty feeling I honestly wished I could change my past I didn't ask from what all happened to me I just want it to all go away sometimes I wished I could go away......... I Just want to disappear