Tired of everything

I have no one in my life except my bf of 2 years. Literally, in a state with no one but him and his family and I don’t know what to do. I don’t really like any of my life and I’m tired of living it honestly. I’m having a really hard time with suicidal thoughts lately. Anytime I show any other emotion but happy to my boyfriend he basically gets upset, kinda mad, frustrated with me. He’ll basically just ignore me or get mad that I can’t tell him how to fix it. It’s not my fault, is not his. I can’t control it. I don’t have any friends (no lie) and my family is 200+ miles away. Not that I really have a big family. Just my dad and my sister but I’ve never really had a good relationship with them. I just don’t know what to do. Nothing feels worth it. I feel like I’m just surviving and I hate it. I’d just rather not anymore. Please I don’t know how to shake this feelings.