What would you do? Very delicate topic

Question

As a disclaimer I’m not trying to disrespect or take away anyone’s emotions when it comes to TTC. 
I see a lot of posts about people struggling with ttc. Those posts always help me in one way or another and for that I’m grateful. Now I could use some advice from you ladies or from people who have dealt with announcing a pregnancy to a couple who is still ttc. 
Backstory;
My first pregnancy in 2016 I had a friend who was engaged and repeatedly said they were going to get pregnant on their wedding night. It’s all she ever talked about. We told her and her fiancé, who has been a dear friend for almost 20 years, we were expecting and that we’d be 8 months pregnant on their wedding day. My husband and I were in the wedding party. Not only did they not congratulate us or give us hugs or anything supportive, she actually didn’t talk to me for 4 months. Then she talked to me only about the wedding for the rest of the 4 months, and then completely stopped talking to me at the reception. We didn’t hear from them until our son was 2 months old. I found out from her sister in law that she told her SIL she wasn’t allowed to get pregnant with baby #2 until this friend had her first... needless to say my pregnancy ruined that friendship. It doesn’t help that she never got pregnant and we no longer talk to her husband since she doesn’t “allow” him too.
Fast forward to today and I get my BFP for baby #2, I call my dad up and tell him. His response was “be careful who you tell because you don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings”. He was referring to my brother’s friend who’s wife very sadly lost their baby at 21 weeks last month. 
I don’t want a repeat of 2016 so how would you handle this? We don’t intend on telling anyone outside of immediate family until the holidays.

Answer

I have an extremely  close  friend, and first cousin  trying without getting pregnant . I'm  now 7w+ pregnant,  and as much as i know it will hurt, I plan on telling  them  before  anyone else. And I will let them know before  i do any announcements  online.   It's  pretty selfish if you're gonna lose a friendship  over it. BUT if you know they are struggling i just think its respectful  just  to let them know , and not be shocked.

Answer

Its not like they won't be upset if they see you with a baby bump 🙄... So just tell them u are expecting when you start showing and just say it like that "im expecting" no smile emojis or joy just be neutral and state it like a fact

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I lost my daughter at 19 weeks last fall. I wouldn’t wish that on anyone. I’m happy when others announce. I wish I got to, but that doesn’t take away from their announcement. I’m not in a race to have a baby before anyone else. And if you have to watch who you tell shame on them for being so miserable. A baby is a blessing and no parent should be made to feel otherwise!

Answer

I’m going to disagree with those who say it is “selfish” to not feel positively towards someone who is expecting after a loss at 20+weeks- or any loss really. 
Grief, isn’t selfish, it’s a fucking process. 
Yes, celebrate you and your pregnancy but don’t expect people to react a specific way. We are ALL going through different things in life. We should all show compassion for each other, and we, ideally, should all celebrate each other (when we have the emotional capacity).

Answer

I don’t think you should have to worry about anyone else who’s ttc. Tell who ever you want and enjoy your pregnancy and let them deal with their personal problems and feelings

Answer

This is something you just ease into if you know it's a struggle for them. Don't be over excited about it but let her know it is serious news that isn't bad.
Tell her you have some news and you're only telling her because she is your close friend, and so she won't be too hurt by hearing it through the grapevine or finding out over social media.
Over time forgiveness and will come.
I know first hand. 
From having fertility issues, I understand announcing a pregnancy is hard because the reaction will be unpredictable. 
At 18 I was told I was infertile, I tried for 5 years with an ex, and in that period if time, my sister became accidentally pregnant (both she and her bf were broke and homeless), my druggie and jobless ex best friend's girlfriend (who was under age and claimed she can't work because of an extra bone in her foot). They both came with their great news with such excitement, I didn't want to be a sour person, but being told you can't have kids will make you bitter and envious. It's like a sick disease we don't want. I snapped and yelled at everyone even my ex bf. I avoided my friends and family completely.  
I'm no longer friends with one that's jobless because I don't condone his and his girlfriend's parenting, but my sister and I slowly worked back up our relationship over 3 years. She prayed with me, attempted to give me tips on how to get pregnant, but it took a little metformin and evening primrose oil to do the job
I'm now 5 months along with my first and my sis and I are inseperable.
Forgiveness will come when they are ready, it's just envy takes over and engulfs like a disease.

Answer

I would just tell them. You’re allowed to be happy and excited about your pregnancy even if someone else is struggling! While I don’t think it’s selfish from someone who is struggling to get pregnant to be a little upset I do think it’s extremely selfish for them to expect someone else to not fully show and experience happiness/excitement for their pregnancy.

Answer

I struggled to conceive, and yes, I was irritated with people who were able to get pregnant without trying. But I would never show my frustration to someone who was announcing a pregnancy. Babies are a blessing and it wasn't anyone's fault that I was having trouble getting pregnant. No one should have to hide something like that because they fear how someone will react.

Answer

As someone who was very cold after a loss, don’t let it stop you from telling people. I think I was kind of on the extreme end after my loss, though nothing compared to your ex friend... I couldn’t stand seeing announcements of pregnancy or birth, but I would say my congratulations and wish them the best. Then I’d wallow in my pity. I’d judge them and decide if I felt that they were deserving enough to have a baby and if they were more deserving than I was. Only person I would talk to this about was my mom who did her best to keep me in check. Someday it would be my turn, right now it’s their turn. When it is my turn, I will never know how many people will congratulate me while suffering on the inside because they have been ttc and may wonder why me and not them.
My brother and SIL have been ttc for 9 years. My daughter was 2 yrs old when they married and started ttc. When I became pregnant in 2012 (miscarried at 10 weeks), my SIL said “couldn’t wait for us to do it first, could you?!” But she was joking, I’m sure it hurt, but I know she was joking. So of course when I became pregnant in 2014 with my son, I was sooo nervous. I put off telling them until I had my first ultrasound and then of course I told them I was waiting in case something were to happen (I hadn’t told my father yet either) and in my brother’s true fashion he asked me who the father was (knowing damn well) and if I was sure I didn’t just eat too much. 
I was less nervous when I told them, immediately, about my current pregnancy. My mom had told me while pregnant with my son that I cannot control what happens with them and it’s not fair for me to put off growing my family and being happy about it. I’m constantly praying for them and the chance of becoming an auntie. I’m sure it may hurt them some, but I also know they love me and my children so much and they know I wish I could do something to help them have a child.
Like someone commented down below, a baby should always be treated like a blessing. I understand your dad looking out for them but at the same time, what about you? Why can’t you be happy and tell people your way? If they get that upset over your pregnancy, how are they going to react to anyone else they know who have children why they struggle? 
Your one friend seems very extreme and not what the normal response is. Very self absorbed and it’s sad that friendships were ruined over her bitterness. 
I don’t have answers for how to handle the couple ttc. I’d just tell them as if you’re telling anyone else. If they choose to bring up their situation, talk to them about it as much as they are willing to, and I wouldn’t apologize for you being pregnant again before they are. Otherwise don’t bring it up. I think it could come off in a way you don’t expect it and may hurt them. Just my personal thoughts.
Best of luck!

Answer

Congratulations ❤️
It’s not their uterus. They’re petty and awful. Ignore it.

What would you do? Very delicate topic

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