My Dad isn't coming back

Last September my Dad had a heart attack. It changed his whole life. He survived, but he experienced terrible PTSD. From what I knew, he always struggled with mental illness for years and years. So did his father. And so do I. We were never a family that was good at talking about our feelings though. He and my mom had been having relationship problems for months before the heart attack even happened. After 27 years together they just weren't communicating anymore. And when they did it was usually passive aggressive and uncomfortable.

He couldn't sleep, wasn't eating well. But he did stop smoking. He even quit the job he was stressed over and went to work with his brother in Ohio right before his 53rd birthday in April. He had a Fitbit and was tracking his steps. His first grandchild, my nephew, is due on Monday. My baby girl is coming in November. It seemed like he had a lot to live for. But in a lot of ways he was starting over.

He made the 10 hour drive back here to Iowa every two weeks to stay for 3 or 4 days and would keep up with household chores. He busted his ass his entire life so that ours could be better. He had been looking for jobs back home. He wanted to come back.

He came to see us this past weekend and forgot his sleeping pills. He had been prescribed numerous others for anxiety and depression but I believe he stopped taking them. Tuesday night he went to bed and got about 3 hours of sleep. That morning my mom left for two hours to visit her sister, and when she got back home she couldn't find him, until she went in the basement. Wednesday morning my Daddy of 25 years took his own life. And with it, a piece of me that I'll never get back.

As I write this, knowing my baby girl won't ever meet her grandpa, knowing that I'll never hug or hold his hand again, my heart breaks into another million pieces.

EDIT: Not even a week after his passing, my mom and aunt took it upon themselves to put our dog down today. That dog kept him company during his loneliest times. He was only 10 years old and had so much life left in him. I'm surrounded by death. I don't know how much more I can take.