Domestic Violence. How to move forward? Please share your story, I need help.

Question

My husband and I are very happy and I love him more than life. I just had a miscarriage after 14 weeks of carrying our son so we haven't been ourselves layely. He's never put his hands on me in the whole 2 years we've been together. One night he saw a text from an old guy friend from hs who wanted to meet up for coffee. He got upset and left for the night assuming I was thinking of cheating. He drank all night and did coke for the first time out of anger. Next day he came home, blacked out, and hit me in the face. Never have I seen that side of him. I am so confused😔 I want to forgive him since he wasn't himself and I love him deeply but everyone is judging me and making me feel stupid for staying. What are your stories? Did you stay or leave?

Answer

When I was 19 I dated a guy that hit me. I stayed with him cause at the time I had 2 jobs and no transportation and he had a car. He ended up cheating on me and getting his BM pregnant again. Then I left cause I finally realized that I'm worth more than that. My advice to you is to leave, point blank period

Answer

After 6 years of being sexually, physically and verbally abused I couldn't take it anymore. I was only 18 when I married and 19 when I had my first child. My now ex husband was living a double life and had 3 other kids whom I never knew existed. I was tired of never being able to work, go to school, see my family, have friends and I haven't celebrated my birthday since 2008 and the holidays where never celebrated bc he was a sick twisted s.o.a.b.. anyways I planned my escape for years and finally he had to go out of town for a week and I knew this would be my only time to get away- As soon as he got in his car and left I was sure that he wouldn't return to the house... I grabbed my suitcase and packed me and my child's clothes. My husband and I had a joint bank account and well I withdrew everything and went to Puerto Rico for 2 years with my aunt and for the first time in my life I felt in control and I went back to college and im doing well. As for my ex I reported him to the police and he was deported back to his country... I am very thankful that I survived and I am blessed to have my life.

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I wouldn't forgive my fiancé for not coming home, then doing drugs and to hit you on top! That's kick out material right there..

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Why are you making excuses for him? I'm sorry, but there is a reason everyone is judging you and saying you're stupid for staying. If everyone is saying the same thing, you should listen to them.

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My ex was great until I accidentally got pregnant. Then it all started! He tried to hurt our baby by kicking me in the stomach and choking me. This happened 10x during the pregnancy. I was 20 year old and dumb. Lol I thought after he saw our son he would change and he was just scared. But I was completely wrong my son was 4 months old and I moved out and never looked back. He's a drug addict whose married and they just had a baby. He hasn't seen my son in almost 2 years. I have been with my bf for 8 months now and he's a wonderful dad to my son, whose 5now. I think if a guy hits you once, no matter the excuse, he will do it again. Now that he knows he can get away with it he will do it again. It took me a while but you also have to learn for yourself.

Answer

My moms baby sister who's 3 years older than me, she was with a guy for 2-3 years who started off as a good guy. Our family loved him, my Aunt gave him her first time, she and him were planning to have a baby. One day I slept over my Grandfathers to spend time with my Aunt and Uncle and her boyfriend got pissed my brother was a sore loser at a basketball game they were playing, he threatened to roll my brothers head off the concrete. As an older sister that offended me and I told him to calm down, and stop with the threats because I would never let anyone hurt my brother. My Aunts boyfriend came at me with a knife, calling me a slut whore etc then came at me twice to hit me, my Uncles boyfriend protected me. The fight should have been red flags for my Aunt but she loved him so much she told only me to stop and chose him. Once he made her move an hour away from the family and got her good and isolated, he started spending all their money on alcohol and getting drunk, he started hitting her and choking her. My mom and I found out and my Grandfather, we made them move close to my Grandfather, Uncle, and his boyfriend. Didn't stop the beatings or drinking, he even got into doing and selling pot. It all came to a stand still the night my brother and Uncles son stayed the night at my Aunts, they got into an argument in front of the kids, and her boyfriend choked her and punched her right in front of the them. My brother and cousin got so scared my brother refused to leave my Aunt out of fear for her, cousin went to my Uncle and he called my mom. Sheriff removed him from the apartment. Just because he's never hit you before, doesn't mean he won't again, for your safety you need to find courage and leave. If he loved you he wouldn't touch you that way, ever.

Answer

I was with my ex from 14 to 22, the first time he hit me sounds so similar to your story, except I was exchanging class notes with my lab partner in high school. He saw from across the hallway but didn't confront me then. He waited until I got into his car after school and slapped me so hard I had to hide in my backyard for a hour for the mark to leave my face so I could see my parents wout getting questioned.... of course he apologized. Baby I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to. I blacked out I was so angry. I just love you so much I can't lose you. So i forgave him... and each time after that it got worse, but the excuses stayed the same. I wasted 8 years of my life forgiving him before I realized I was worth so much more than that... while it's possible it was a one time mistake, and most couples can forgive and move on, it's highly likely that he knows he can get away with it now and might try it again... if he does, you'll know it won't stop. And then you need to consider leaving, because he won't stop at you... you're kids will be next...

Answer

I dated a guy for a year who had never put his hands on me in the first 9 months. He had a temper and we fought occasionally, but he never touched me. We were having drinks with some friends one night at their apartment and he drank too much, we got into it, he cornered me in the bathroom and wouldn't let me out. I tried to push past him and he shoved me into the wall, and when I tried again he elbowed me in the face and shoved me into the floor. I ended up with a busted lip, concussion, fractured hip bone and deep bruise on my knee from where I had hit the bathtub when he pushed me into the floor. We separated for a few days, mainly because he was in jail, but soon after he made bail I was back with him because I was afraid of what he would do to me or my family. He began stalking me when I was out with my friends. He never hit me again, but did grab me by my wrist a couple of times during arguments. I left one night after we had gotten into it and went to a friends house, then decided to go to my grandmothers for the night. He called me for hours and when I didn't answer he went to my friends house looking for me, and when he found out I was at my grandmothers he sat on the steps of an abandoned house across the street from hers in the pouring rain calling me. I was finally able to leave him with the help of a friend on the local police force. Just because he's never done it before doesn't mean he won't do it again.

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I was never in an abuse relationship but u have a best friend who was...everytime I would go to her house to stay the night she would either have two black eyes or bruises some where else on her body..this guy beat her all the time she put up with that for two years..until he tried to kill her she finally left that douche bag and now she is doing so much better..this guy would beat her so bad her broke her nose one of her ribs and her finger and even stabbed her in the leg with a broken shovel..I and another friend convinced her to get out of that toxic relationship before he killed her

Answer

I was 18 when I got married. Was abused for 4 years. Cheated on multiple times. I finally left.

Domestic Violence. How to move forward? Please share your story, I need help.

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