Trying for 🌈. Maybe.

I had a missed miscarriage in April, 2 days before my 41st birthday. I was 10 weeks and opted not to do a D&C but took medication to induce the miscarriage since the pregnancy stopped progressing at 6 weeks and the sac was empty. It was devastating and I had no desire to try again and go through that heartbreak again. Until this cycle. I felt that yearning again and decided to pull out the TTC box I had shoved to the back of the cupboard. And now, a day post ovulation, I’m not sure if I really want to do this. I haven’t talked to my husband about it. He doesn’t suggest protection so I assume he’s still on board. I guess I’m thinking what’s meant to be will be. But I’m confused, and still so sad about my loss in April. I feel broken and afraid to hope. I think I’m back in, but feel drained at the thought of actually trying.