I don't even know. Venting, I guess.

I don't even know anymore..I mean, the past few months have been crazy, and wild, and just full of random twists and turns..then I end up having this crazy miscarriage out of nowhere, which wouldn't have been very far along, it wasn't even enough to register on a pregnancy test, and it was lost before any of that, just long enough to make me 8 days late, for me to notice a few different changes in my body, and then it was gone, and I had some crazy painful days once my "period" hit, that was full of terrible pain for a miscarriage, and then I've just been like this emotional wreck the past few months..just tears, and anger, and just totally bizarre ups and downs that I'm not sure even why it happens..I've been extremely irritable, and moody, and the past couple of weeks, I've been weepy over damn near everything, and I don't know why :/ what is wrong with me?! 

Then I feel like this small, smaller than a pea-sized lump on my cervix near the opening, so that has me worried, and I know I should have a checkup, but I guess that would make it more real to me, than it is, and I'm not sure if I'm ready for that..

I don't know..I just feel like I've given up, on people, on life, on things in general..it's not like I don't try to keep people inspired and cheered up, and I definitely take care of my children, I just, I don't even know :/ like, wth.