Feeling despondent

So today I’m thinking - will I be sad if I’m not pregnant this month? It’s been a no so many months that I feel I don’t even have any feelings anymore. I pray for a baby every night, other than my chemical in Feb, there has been no further +.

I have a beautiful 4yo, he is my world. We’ve been trying for #2 for 16m, I’m 39, 40 in May. All tests came back clear, I’m just old apparently.

It’s worse when your parents/Inlaws say, do you really want a baby at 40? Will you have the energy? So many things can go wrong at your age!

It makes me second guess, do I want this, will I be able to cope, will baby be fine, should I stop trying?

I’m just so fed up, I know at some point I have to stop trying, but am I ready?