Am I in a abusive relationship.

I need the reader here to be able to play devils advocate I love the man I was in a relationship with but see signs of emotional and physical abuse. Huge red flags actually.

My boyfriend has had a very traumatic life, witnessing his mother’s murder, being passed around from family member to family member when they don’t k ow how to deal with him. And living alone form 15 years old to his adulthood of now 37. I have been dating him for about a year, not only do I love him but he’s my best friend.

At the 6 month mark of our relationship I found pictures of another woman on his phone. He was apparently exchanging nude photos with her. It made him feel good that someone else was validating how good he was to me and wished to have a man like that in her life. He said multiple times that I validate him and show him my love and appreciation. He obviously took the bait and exchanged photos (it crushed me) he blamed it on his drinking which had become routine.

In the last four months we have been arguing significantly, he’s been drinking a lot more. I told him I wouldn’t be with him if he doesn’t stop drinking and seeks professional help which led him to drink Hennessy, or remy straight and doing so behind my back and hiding it from me.

The problem is not the drinking... the problem is the “fuck you’s, the mind your own god damn business”, the jealous rages, the breaking into my apartment. It sounds insane I know. You’re probably wondering how the hell is she still in it. It’s hard to leave someone that you love and that you know needs help. I’ve been a support system for him, but now I’m the one taking the abuse. I’ve asked him to seek professional help, even referred him to a therapist for months. He’s worse now.

Last night I decided to just go home and take sometime to my self after a long day of work. I was planning on taking a cold shower and watching hallmark movies. An hour later the text messages started. They first were I love you’s and can’t live with out you to fuck you, you’re a miserable bitch, you will not drag me down, you’re pathetic, I hate you, I shouldn’t be with your miserable, bickering sorry ass. I decided to drop by his house because I didn’t recognize this person texting such cruel things, I suspected he was drinking as well. I walked in on him sprawled naked jerking off to some one or something on his phone. He saw me and was mortified and was avoiding me. I wouldn’t leave so he got in my face and punched the mirror that was right next to my face, he called me a stupid bitch, he hit me in the chest when I asked to see his phone and Knocked the wind out of me. He shoved me. At this point I was trembling of fear. I’m 5’2 and 118lbs he’s 6’ at 220 of solid muscle. Maybe he was so drunk he didn’t realize how much he was physically hurting on top of the emotional abuse.

The worst part was that he wouldn’t let me leave the house at that point. His rage had escalated to a point where I was afraid for my life. He started cursing at me for the mess that i made because he punched the mirror. I told him I would clean up the mess I made for him, it was the only thing I could think of that would allow him to let me open the door. I made a run for it, he chased me and tackled me as I was exiting the front door. Some nearby neighbors heard my screams and he coward back inside.

The difficult part now comes: the next day when he’s sobre and sweet, when he’s the man I love and fell in love with, when the reality of what he had done to me hits him. He cries, he knows he has problems, he says he’ll get help. He begs and pleads. Side note-he’s cried before, he’s promised to change before, he promised to see a professional.

He’s frustrated he keeps trying to rope me back in, and I can’t do it anymore. I can’t.

What do I do. Am I being too sensitive? I need some feed back, some encouragement, this is so hard for me, my heart breaks as I write the reality of the situation down.