My sons father and me recently came back into contact six months ago after not talking to us or seeing his son for over a year (son just turned three in August)

He has changed quite a lot and is so much better than he was. Quite frankly he used to be a piece of shit and I’m putting that nicely. The problem is he still isn’t really helping me financially and sees our son once a month. I’m not sure how I should talk to him about it, how much he should be giving me for our son and how much he should be seeing our son a month.

I really would like to keep this out of the court.

He also has another son that he had during the time period that we didn’t talk for a year (he left me for this girl and got her pregnant a week into their relationship) and he talks about how he already struggles with that son. Which I feel bad but my son was here first, he needs to be taken care of too, he should’ve thought about that before he had unprotected sex with someone he barely knew.

He always talks about how he takes care of that kid and so forth and so on and I don’t think he realizes how bad it hurts because he was never there for our son like that. He was the complete opposite and still kind of us. Which now it’s my fault I think because I’m so used to doing this all on my own that I just really don’t expect him to help, but he needs to.

Earlier he asked if I could donate him all of my sons old clothes and shoes (some of this stuff being expensive) for his other son because he doesn’t have much money and the mother doesn’t really do as she should (she’s basically doing him the way he did me when it comes to kids) I really don’t want to and this is embarrassing but I have a hard time parting with all of his old stuff because he’s possibly the only baby I’ll be able to have due to health problems and it’s nice being able to look back on it when I want to.

He pokes at me and tells me I have a hoarding problem and that they’re brothers (they’ve never met and my son doesn’t even understand that he has a brother) and that I should donate him the clothes because he would “help me out if I needed it.”

Used to when I needed him he was never there so I learned not to need him.

I feel bad that the baby is in that situation but I don’t feel like I should have to help them with a child that isn’t mine ya know? Like I don’t think I should be made to feel that way. He’s not my responsibility. I also shouldn’t feel bad for wanting to keep my sons things that I BOUGHT. matter of fact when I left him there were some baby clothes at his house that his dads girlfriend gave me for over there and he wouldn’t let me have them, then turned around and gave them to a pregnant girl he knew.

Idk what to do. I feel stingy but at the same time I feel like I shouldn’t be feeling this way.

I am going through and picking some stuff out to give him, but he wants me to go through everything for one year and up and give him a ton of stuff!

**Also adding I have worked hard to get my son all of his nice things he has, I’m only 18 and most other girls my age that I know don’t get to do that for their children. I do, and I also have a great support system which sadly that girl and child do not. I understand him needing help but he does it constantly and he knows when it comes to people, especially children in need I have a huge soft spot for it and I feel he tries taking advantage of it and then I feel like a horrible person when I say no. Just like a month ago he was trying to see if I could “loan” him money to get his other son a car seat for his vehicle. It makes me feel horrible but I shouldn’t have to raise our son by myself practically for three years and then turn around and help him with his other son. I don’t think he realizes how that looks. I have my own kid to worry about and care for, if I had another child I would NEVER expect him to help me with it just because that child isn’t his, therefore not his responsibility.