Depression

So I was recently diagnose with Severe depression and anxiety and let me just say this, it’s soo real! I was at work a week ago and I got soo overwhelmed I had a anxiety attack and they had to call paramedics because I couldn’t calm down and wasn’t breathing, the EMs guys were extremely helpful and totally understood and had a talk with me, I was soo embarrassed while everyone watched me coming out the building on a stretcher! But I sucked it up and went back to work two days later and one supervisor took me to the side and had a great talk with me, she said I was brave for coming in because she truly thought I wasn’t going to show up and explained her daughter has anxiety as well, so she knows and understand and supports me 10000% and I just felt soo much love and support when I went back.

I’ve been depress for some time now and It got worse recently because I’m going through soo much emotions with my daughter dad and we recently just broke up because he wanted the relationship to end and I just couldn’t understand what the issue was and then weeks later I find out he has a “new friend” which my daughter has been around and expressed she doesn’t like it and feel like she’s losing time with her father because of this friend (our daughter is 7) and instead of him being mindful after she expressed this he still had this friend around and told our daughter his friend is going far away to school and won’t be coming back, to me that’s basically saying “please suck it up for now” he invested his whole summer into this “new friend” and less time with his daughter and he got upset with me and said he HATES every non ambitious bone in my body because I told him to wake up and I don’t understand his way of living life and his daughter needs him and feels like he doesn’t miss her, he left Last week Tuesday on our daughter first day back to school to help his friend move for school instead of taking our daughter to school and wasn’t even going to say anything until I called him, then we had a talk Wednesday where he apologized to our daughter and told her it’s going to go back to how it was and his friend is gone and they will spend more time together and then he left Friday to go to his friend (she lives 3 hours away on campus or close to school) for the whole weekend and came back like Tuesday early morning!! That shit really hurted when he called me non ambitious and said he hates me , I don’t get how fathers can talk down on the mother of their child vise versa!!! and of course I got mad and was hurt and cussed him off and told him about himself and he blocked me off all social media platforms whatsapp and regular text/call so in order for him to talk to his daughter I have to tell his sisters and then he will unblock me and call her!! I’m not perfect but I take care of mine and do my best in everything I put my mind to or want to do.

I’m currently trying to take care of me and just detach myself from this man and be there for my daughter because she’s seen too much go down and the way I’m treated, and I promised myself I will not force this man to be in her life if he doesn’t want to be because lately he’s been showing everyone that his personal needs is more important than his child and it kills me when she expressed she misses her dad and thinks her dad doesn’t miss her and wish she never told her dad about his friend. This break up and how my daughter is hurting is killing me inside! I am seeking help I go see my counsellor once a week and where gonna start doing some stuff to truly start focusing on myself and bring me back because I’m losing myself!

If you guys knows anyone with depression and anxiety just be there for them, the way we act and how we let certain things affects us it might be stupid to some people but it’s real to us and the only thing we really need is love and support! But I’m going to kick this depression and anxiety in the ass!