Spiritual Exhaustion and Conversion

I'll try to simplify this as much as I can.

I am in the Bible Belt, raised Southern Baptist. My mother would pay to dump we off at my strictly religious baby sitters place to go to church so she could sleep in when I was very young. I went through a period of rarely going when I outgrew the babysitter at 6, and then when my mother started dating her old flame and son of a preacher she suddenly became interested in my faith more than ever. My father is a pessimistic naval vet who only goes to church when a spouse makes him or it's a holiday. He says he was saved but never speaks of himself otherwise.

I have a developed relationship with Jesus. I see him more has a much older brother and have always talked to him as such. He was my loving brother and our daddy loved us, even if I would never be perfect. Something I knew well being bullied for being in "special ed" during school for math.

I was drilled the usual hellfire and love my whole life and grew to hate church at an early age unless it was Easter. I was abused after being neglected by my mother and step father, who has custody. Church became a way to keep up appearances I found as I aged. Christian's hid behind there bibles to inflict pain on others, verbal or physical. History, which I have always loved, proved to me that my people had always been this way. It all started when I realized young that the bible stories were sugar coated for the kids. You never heard about the animal sacrifice and wars in things like Noahs Ark. I remember being so small and devastated to hear those things.

All that aside, I was always more drawn to nature. God's garden, yes? I hated that people littered. I would touch pond water, expecting a hand to touch mine from another world underneath. I could smell things father than anyone else. I loved bones and constantly dragged them home to decorate my favorite tree stump. I felt safe only with a cat around at night and like demons could see me through a dogs eyes because they were associated with mans sin. The land with lived on was a massive forest and I could go on all day with unexplainable things that happened as I wondered 1000 acres alone. The land is it's own being. It calms when you sing to it. It's angry when you leave it. It dies and is replaced like people. I never felt alone there. It was itself a spirit to me that I can only vaguely sense in towns.

All these things and the natural draw toward history, instinct, macabre, symbolism and creation has left an unexplored path open for me my whole life toward what I can only assume is witch craft/Paganism. I avoided the path my whole life. Now any spirit I once had is draining form me and I have stepped onto this path for the first time. Not because I distrust God. Not because I hate Jesus. Nor because I have some ridiculous desire for blood orgies and to have green skin.

I want to feel something I've lost in Christianity, primarily for it's misused lore, horrible members and history. I feel that God doesn't approve, but I have put this off for near 30 years and I need to know where this goes. But there are so few teachers for me and like Christianity many many "denominations" of Paganism to explore. I can read all I want in books, watch, YouTube, whatever. But there are no teachers to speak to. And most if found are Wiccan, which I'm not interested in.

How did you get started in Paganism? Whathave you learned from it?

Where did your path take you?

And where did your info come from??