Help?!

Hey! So I’m 15 turning 16 in February. I really wanna lose my virginity cause I get “horny” (I hate that word) lmao!! And I wanna have sex. I also want my first time to be special. I don’t really date guys or I feel like I’ve be avoiding having relationships cause I’m also scared to do anything like Oral sex and just sex in general cause I feel like imma be bad, and just cause I have like scars in my lower body that make me really insecure and I have like small boobs. Also I tried watching porn and like feeling myself but I feel too weird and uncomfortable. I also take like bra pics but I don’t send them to anyone. I kinda thought I was gonna lose my virginity to this guy I was off and on with for like 3 years but the more serious parts for like two years. I recently started birth control, and I started just in case;) and about that guy I mentioned we recently started texting again, but not talking at school or in person. But he asks if we can make out and stuff and how far I’d go with him but I say idek we’ll see. I really wanna try stuff bye I don’t know how and I’m insecure and scared!