I’m the toxic one in the relationship.

Three months ago i broke up with my boyfriend of over a year, we had a great relationship but I got tired of it. Tired of him. I would ignore him for days, pick fights over small things, make him apologize for stuff he didn’t do. I don’t know why I did it, I didn’t know then and I still don’t know now. I’m not here to play the victim, and I know this shit ain’t cute but I am toxic. And I hate it. The last time we talked I broke up with him and had to block him from all of my social media because he kept texting me and calling me, he came over to my house and begged and begged for me to give him a second chance.

He promised he would change and do whatever I wanted, try to be better for me, said he would buy me whatever I wanted. Crying he said he needed me in his life. This is why I know there is something wrong with me, because when he was there begging and crying I loved every second of it and it makes me sick. I was enjoying that but I was also getting mad. It made me so angry for some reason. I said no and told him to leave me alone.

Just last week I decided to unblock him on all of my social media because I was getting bored and he texted me and we started talking. He said he found someone and the thought makes me so mad. He told me he has been going out on dates with a girl he met online and that she’s smart and pretty. When he told me this I was really mad, mad because he was getting over me and I don’t want that. But he said he still wants to get back together with me, he said that if I don’t want him to keep seeing that girl he won’t. He said he loves me and even though he likes that girl he would come back to me if I wanted to. We met up and I told him i didn’t want him to move on from me, that I want him to stop seeing her and I made him block her on social media and change his phone number so she can’t get in contact with him.

I want him to stop seeing this girl because she makes me feel inferior, she’s a vocational nurse and is going to school to become an RN. And that’s also what I’m doing, I’m going to school to become an RN, but I don’t want to be a nurse, I’m just doing it because my parents forced me to. I hate this girl because she’s actually passionate about something I want to care about it.

I guess I should confess that I’m dating someone now, we’ve been dating for two months now and things are going great. But even though I have a boyfriend I still need my ex there. So I don’t want to get back together with him but I don’t want him to be with someone else. I want him there for me, I want him to wait for me. And he will, because he loves me.

I don’t know what’s wrong with me.