Emotionally Checked Out
Sorry for the long post, but I just need to vent..
My husband and i have been married for a year, but have been together for 2 years.
Our relationship didn’t start right. At first, I noticed he was still hung up on his ex so before we began dating I told him that with his actions he was letting me know he wasn’t ready for a relationship, and I was not willing to wait for him to get over the past relationship while dating. So we stopped talking for a month, and one night he texts me saying how a fool he was for letting me go, blah blah blah, and said at least he wanted to stay friends because I was able to be one to understand and encourage to be better “a breath of fresh air.”
That eventually let us to dating, and at the beginning it was all amazing (like the relationship I never had, and always dreamed off)!until I noticed he was still in contact with his ex (he was showing me a video on his phone when a message of her popped up.) I immediately told him I did not agree or felt okay with it, and i wanted to end things because yet again he was showing me he wasn’t ready to let go; I told him that I didn’t want to waste my time.
Fast forward to two months during our dating time, things seemed fine until he started hanging out and driving around with a female coworker while I was at work, but yet a male friend of mines wanted to go out to lunch, and he [husband] said it was disrespectful to him. So I never went, and had to lose all contact with that said friend.
We had arguments and fights, but he always tried to work things out, even when I just wanted to leave because I felt as though he was manipulating me in some way (gaslighting in many forms.) but he wanted the relationship to work because yet again he claim I was someone he never had in his life who was a positive light. So as much as I tried to leave, he always had a way to bring me back.
Now fast forward to the beginning of this year, after being married for 6 months, and being pregnant for 5 months, things started to go downhill. I found out he was having conversations with other women on Facebook, found when we dated he sent and received naked pictures of this woman I once question him about, and noticed he kept sending friend request to only woman. I felt so betrayed and so sick to my stomach. I wanted to desperately leave but family advise that it was not that big of deal, and should stay.
May came along and our baby girl was born. He was over the moon, but still acting strange. He all of the sudden deleted my finger print from his phone and became very secretive.
In June, I finally broke my silence and told him everything I found out, and asked him “can you, with your hand on your heart, tell me you haven’t done anything behind my back?” And he said he couldn’t deny it. I told him I was done and wanted a divorce. But he went on a rant, at first trying to put the blame on me then apologizing for it and for everything he had done. He wanted to try a be a better man for our daughter and I.
Come August, we find out he is deploying, and I decided to stay with my family. To add to my worst nightmare, he is being deployed to Korea. When he told me the location, I told him if he did anything stupid, he will come home to an empty house and divorce papers. He has promised he is trying his best to be a better man; he has realized the many times he took for granted and how good he had it when we were together, but there are things that are still popping up that do not add up with what he says (I.e. says he doesn’t use a certain social network but on his laptop that he left me said he logged in recently, or being at different places when he claims to be at another.)
At this point, I have mentally/emotionally checked out but I am being advised and feel obligated to stay. I let on that I am happy and content for everyone’s sake (his family is know for so much scandal and drama, and my family is very well kept and reserved.) so I am trying to be in the middle.
I don’t know what to do anymore. I am here typing this and crying as I watch my daughter sleep peacefully. I feel horrible for feeling this way, and I just feel like I am screaming from so much hurt, and everyone is really not listening.

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