HELP!!! ((Sorry it’s long.))

Okay guys.. So here’s my story... I have been friends with the guy I’m with for 4 years.. we got together 6 months ago and it’s long distance.. At first everything was amazing.. Like more than amazing... Well, I lost my mom in July.. When I lost her I was in TN (where he lives) I was maybe 30 minutes away from him when I was at moms house, but when mom was moved to Hospice I was 10-15 minutes from him.. I begged him to come be with me at Hospice with her and he was always “too busy.” ((He Owns 2 businesses landscaping and furniture delivery )) Well, the day she died I called him Multiple times.. (Like 18 back to back plus texts, I was panicking and heartbroken.)) He told me he was on a delivery in Big Stone Gap but as soon as he was done he would come be with me.. He never showed up, apparently he got another delivery. Am I wrong for thinking he should have been with me? I didn’t see him for a week after she died and even then it was only for a half an hour. Since then, I can’t help but be distant.. I’m trying my hardest not to be, but I was and am so hurt.. Since she passed we’ve done literally nothing but argue most of them time. One night he swore he was going to come see me, (I’m home in WV, so it’s about an hour and a half to 2 hours away from him.)) this went on for three days and then he had all these reasons he wasn’t able to come but, that same night went out to play Pool with his friend.. We got into a heated argument and he threw everything he’s done for me in my face (Paying my power, my phone, letting me work for him, coming to get me to see my mom, and bringing me home. I NEVER asked him for the phone or for anything else he’s done. HE BEGGED me to let him help me with my power until I got back on my feet, mind you I have two small boys.)) Well after that fight we haven’t really spoken much, and he still hasn’t apologized. ((This was almost a month ago.)) Every time I bring it up to try and explain that I’m still hurt it becomes my fault! Then my power bill comes due, 29.00 dollars y’all because I had a budget worked out. He didn’t pay it, he “forgot” about it. So it defaulted my payment plan, so now I’ve been stressed trying to pay 272 dollars, I just recently started working again. When I told him that I was in danger of losing my place because of it he said, “I’m trying to figure out something for you and your FUCKING kids.” I was in shock!! He’s always referred to my babies as our babies.. So, I dropped it... He’s constantly saying he has no money but he pays one employee 500 for a delivery, and another 700.. I haven’t seen him in almost 2 months.. I feel so unimportant and unwanted but every time I try to address it, it’s my fault.. Honestly, I’m afraid he’s back on drugs... and idk what to do at this point..