I need help

I live very stressful life, and and dark... am not able to find happiness..I did my best, I even pretend myself that am happy while am not ..i always keep my smile on My face but the reality am very sad deep inside and need to cry ... am tired of acting that am strong or even happy I wish to shout.. . I had bad thoughts of killing myself and to end my life...but I stopped on the last mnt ... how can I get out of what am in ?? I need help and a serious advise