A WIFE: NOT A MOTHER.

Sharing to you this beautiful letter to all of us still waiting to be pregnant 🤰🏻

A WIFE: NOT A MOTHER.

An open letter to all wives who are struggling to become pregnant (I know. That's not a good start).

Last month, the whole world celebrated Mother's day. I have seen tons of pictures of children with their parents and lengthy messages which flooded social media. Not to mention restaurants with long queues and reservation lists.

But this post is not a late Mother's day tribute. This letter is not for mothers, but for wives like me who cannot call themselves "mothers". Women who have been waiting to have their own pregnancy announcement, too.

My husband and I have been trying to get pregnant for a year now, without any success. I know. 1 year is not long enough compared with the lenght of time other couples waited. But like them, the pain is the same.

When I was still single, the thought of being infertile or similar cases did not even cross my mind. Yes, I experience painful dysmenorrhea every month , but I didn't think I am unhealthy. We did not take any birth control method since the start of our marriage. We did not even consider waiting for a year or two to conceive like what others have advised us to do. We were so excited. But month after month after month nothing happened. I started to ask if there's something wrong with me or us. And yes, there really is. (Forgive me if i'd rather not discuss it in full details here)

But let me tell you this, I may not see you right now, we may not know each other personally, but I share your pain. I feel how is it to become a wife, but not a mother.

I heard a lot of advices from wives like me. I read about things to help one conceive. But majority of them, I can say, don't get the whole picture of our situation.

We can control most things in our life. The clothes we wear, the food we eat, our job, even the paint of our houses or our lipstick shade. But when it comes to getting pregnant, not everyone understands that not all women get to choose, not all women can control their bodies.

I know....

I know you have experienced visiting your gynecologist with a room full of pregnant women, and you are that 1 of 10 who's there bacause you can't get pregnant. How you wanted to disappear and how you wished you didn't come. Yes, that's us.

I know there was a day while you're scrolling through your Facebook feed only to see someone's pregnancy announcement. Then you ask when's your turn. I know you held back your tears while clicking the love icon. I know you tried to feel happy for that mom-to-be who was really excited to tell the world that a little pea will soon pop out.

I know you have sneaked on the kids section of department stores,too. Did you feel that warmth while holding those tiny clothes and shoes? I knew your heart leaped with joy hoping that someday your little one will wear one those. Yes, that's us.

I know how you have been planning for your imaginary baby' OOTD on your mind. Or those nights you can't help but to pin so many pictures of little girls' outfit on Pinterest. Yes, that's us.

I know that you, like me, has a long list of baby names. I am so sure of that. Or as crazy as it may sound, you even plan for your future baby's 1st birthday. Yes, that's us.

All these I have experienced, and once in a while I still cry when reminded about the situation.

I have rejoiced with others who were gifted to bring forth a new life. I have cried with those who lost their babies without hearing their first cries. But most of all, I carry the pain that no one on Earth will fully understand, except the Lord.

Yes. I am like you. I am a human. There were times in the past when I questioned the Lord "Why me?" Or "Why us?". Why two Christians who strived and waited after marriage have to deal with this?

I know. Even for once, you may have felt that all these is unfair. I know.

Hey... it's ok to cry. It's ok to feel sorry sometimes. It's ok to hope. Hope that the next test you will have will show two lines. It's ok to hope that your cravings are associated with pregnancy. These and other things are ok. But it's never ok that we stop living life because of this. Let's not allow them to consume us and take us far from the joy of life's little things.

Like me, you too can hold on to the Lord's promises, even to many miracles he hath done for women who seemed impossible to give birth- Sarah gave birth to Isaac at the age of 90, there's Rebekah, Hannah, Elizabeth, and many others.

I hope you can find a support system- people who will tell you there's hope, rather than people who keeps on questioning your inability to bear a child.

Know that you are not alone. We are not.

Psalm 113:9 KJV

"He maketh the barren woman to keep house, and to be a joyful mother of children. Praise ye the Lord ."

With love,

Mrs. Joylyn Guiao-Sigua

(a wife of one, a believer of the Lord Jesus Christ, and one among many who are on the process of preparation to becoming great mothers) 💕

Feel free to tag someone you know who may need to read this.