Always off

My periods have always been irregular but now it's just odd. And I never know when to expect it. And I sometime go for a while without a sign from AF and I feel like I should take a hpt but always a negative! I just have the habit of wanting to test after a while of no show. I'm tired of this whole trying to conceive! I think I'm going to hand in my towel and call it quits. I have 2 children a boy and a girl and I'm happy and blessed with what has been given to me. Maybe this is it and he only gave me what he thinks I can handle.