Pregnant... having sex with my ex... still having feelings.

I’m pregnant and having sex with my ex who is not the father of this baby. I still have so many feelings for him and idk how to feel. I feel sad, angry, happy when I’m with him and confused. I’m angry that I left him because I was impatient but i did wait for him to get his shit together for way too long. Anyways every time I see him my heart skips a beat, I get butterflies in my stupid stomach and I can never stop smiling. I spent the weekend with him last weekend and we couldn’t stop cuddling and I know he still cares and he’s upset that this baby isn’t his. I miss him so damn much, I wish I could go back but I can’t. He said he will be there for me like he always has, as a friend. :( I know I can’t expect much from him, I just hope maybe in the future we will indeed get married like I always hoped.

I can’t stand the father to be, he just thinks of himself and nobody else. I left because of his abusive ways before I even found out I was pregnant.