I don't want to have a child!

ah! what the hell happened? I JUST got married to the man of my dreams in May- on mothers day of all days... we found out on Fathers day- go figure- that we were unexpectedly pregnant! now I'm 22 weeks in and I am NOT EXCITED about this! I didnt want a kid right away! I didnt want to deal with breasfeeding and crying and lack of sleep and poopy diapers! I was planning for this LATER. Not immediately! Yes, I know people struggle with fertility and "so many women would kill to be where you're at" but does that make my feelings invalid?

I'm not ready for this. I'm not WANTING this... but my faith and heart won't abort it and to send my kid to adoption because I dont WANT him would be what adoption stories are based on and I dont want that... so I feel like I cant do anything but accept it... yet that feels like a trap! I'm being trapped! all because I got married and slept with my husband! is marriage a trap? is love a trap? is milk making, boob sucking infants what I'm reduced to take care of? sure he'll grow but am I just a reproduction machine now? Will I just make babies for the rest of my life because my husband and I cant use contraceptives due to our faith?

...

signed,

FTM and still in shock about being pregnant...