Is this rape?

I was living in a house with all male roommates. One of them in particular had a huge crush on me. Like HUGE. I was always nice and kind to him, but told him my heart belonged to someone else (a guy I was seeing, but not a bf). He seemed to be fine with that. Never stopped him from hitting on me and making comments. Light flirtation, if anything. I never reciprocated. I think the most I did was laugh at him. Whether he thought I was laughing at him or the comment, I dont know. I didnt ask. One night, we were watching Game of Thrones in the master bedroom with another roommate. The master bedroom was the only place in the house we could smoke a joint. When the other roommate left, he started to rub my leg. I pushed his hand off. He kept saying that I liked him back and to stop fighting it. I denied it. He then started rubbing my leg again, except inside my thigh, near my crotch. I froze, as I had just told him no, and here he is rubbing my leg again. (Side note: I'm a tiny female. I weigh 100lbs soaking wet. And he is quite large) I just stared at him, displeased. I went to stand up and that's when he grabbed my hand and pulled me back down, putting my hand on his dick. Again, I said no and that I didnt want to have sex. He just smiled and kept my hand in his and kept rubbing my body. He asked me again if I wanted his dick and I said no. I'm really scared at this point as all the roommates have left and my girl friend wasnt coming for another 2 hours. My phone was in my room charging. He said I wasnt struggling to get away which meant I secretly wanted it. Again, I'm frozen as I had a feeling this wasnt going to end well for me. That's when he pulled me in close and took my clothes off, rubbing me. I tried to speak and he just told me to stfu. I'm seriously terrified at this point and just wanted to scream for someone. But no one was there. He told me, rudely, how to position myself, when I tried to speak again, he told me that it would go faster if I just shut my mouth. All the while hes making it seem as if hes just being dominant and joking saying "dont take it personally, babe". But then why did I feel so scared and threatened? He then inserted himself and carried on.. I was crying the entire time. He even gave me a tissue to wipe my tears when he was done. He smiled at me and said "see, told you you wanted it." I felt so gross, I felt weak, I wanted to puke in his bed. He lit up another joint and sat in his computer chair ignoring me, to finish the episode of GoT. I just stared at him wondering if I could get up and go to my room yet. I think I waited all of 20 minutes before moving a muscle. Finally I just got up and went to bed. For weeks I struggled, not knowing if I had been raped, or if I was just weak and needed to learn to be stronger. Or if I was stupid and didnt prevent it properly, and this was all my fault. I asked a friend, who told me I was not raped nor sexually harassed... just weak. When I asked her to explain, she told me that it wasnt violent, and that i barely fought him off, there for, it's not rape. Okay. So i go on with life thinking I'm just a fucking idiot. Until I watched one of those crime shows on TV and this girl had a story eerily similar to mine. And then all those memories I had blocked out came right back and put it back in question. Idk what to think anymore, and its eating at my mental health and confidence big time.