Just needed a safe place to vent

The day I started my miscarriage was the day of my sister’s 3D ultrasound. I still went. They tried for 3 years before ivf round 3 gave them their daughter. Well today was her baby shower. In the midst of her pregnant and glowing and my brother in law there and her pregnant friends and a friend with an 11 week old I excused myself and had to go to the bathroom for a cry and to compose myself. I just got so overwhelmed and no one in my family knows. It all just hit me so hard at once. The loss. The desire to be pregnant again. To have those exhausted newborn mom look while bouncing a cranky overstimulated little one to sleep. I wanted it so bad in that moment. Then I pulled myself together and went back out there. But damn does it suck and hurt and then I feel guilty, it’s her day that she waited and tried so hard for. I just needed to vent it all out.