Cake app? Am I overreacting? Kinda long 😕

I found a notification from an app called cake on my husband's phone tonight. After opening the app I found it's basically a porn/chat app. He's following like 30 girls but I don't see any messages... But idk if I just don't know what I'm looking for. When I woke him up and asked him what the app was for (he plays a ton of games on his phone, I initially thought it was related to that before I opened it) he said it was "a video sharing thing, like of people doing different stuff". I was like "oh, it looked like a porn site to me" and his response was "yeah, basically." Before asking him, I did a pretty thorough dig into his phone and saw through his Google activity that he goes into this app ALL THE TIME. Like 4-5 times a day. He was looking at it the night before when I was sitting 5 feet away on the couch and he couldn't be bothered to talk to me.

Now don't get me wrong, I don't particularly care if he watches porn but there's a few other factors in play here:

1. We haven't had sex (to completion) since we concieved our daughter... who will be FOUR MONTHS OLD this weekend. We've tried a few times, but he kept going soft and couldn't finish (talk about a self esteem killer)

2. He shows zero interest in anything physical with me. We barely kiss, that's about it. Like I said, I just had a baby so I don't particularly feel great about my body to begin with, but it's not like I'm complaining to him about it and putting that negativity out there.

3. He's so quick to tell me "you're always so crabby" or "you're so mean to me". Let me set the record straight-- I am home with our 2 small girls 80% of the time and when I'm not, I'm an ER nurse and I arrange my schedule so I'm only away from the kids about 10 of their awake hours a week. I literally take care of EVERYTHING-house, bills, kids, dogs, cooking, cleaning, errands, etc. He is gone for work 12hrs/day but comes home, eats dinner, plays for 20 min with our 2.5 year old then sits in his chair playing on his phone till bedtime--zero extra effort for anyone/anything. I'm over all the responsibilities landing solely on me.

It's not that I think he's cheating, I don't think he could get away with that. I'm just SO hurt and humiliated and confused about where to go from here. I feel like we're friends at best anymore and he has so little interest he can't even keep it up. I am not about to try and compete with girls on a porn site, nor should I have to...I think the effort should be both ways but I'm so sick of being the one in charge of every single thing. Like why can't he step up and take care of this area of our life? 😔

Back story: our good friends have a 1 month old who has been in a level III NICU almost 2 hours away and a 3 year old who is close in age to our oldest so he's basically become a surrogate child in our home while our friends have been going back and forth with the baby. I was only on my husband's phone getting my friends dad's phone number because he was supposed to meet me to pick up his grandson from my house for the afternoon when a notification from cake popped up. I don't snoop, I've never felt the need prior to this. 💔