Not trying to try but not not trying....

Myself and my SO have been trying since January 2014.... I know I'm not the only one but my whole life just feels consumed by the need and yearn to become a mother. It's literally ALL I think about, imagining being pregnant telling myself it's worked this time, it's my month..... By doing this and having my mind set my period never shows up, until I take a hpt get a bfn and af shows up.
Anyway February me and SO said we needed to 'stop trying' as we are getting married in September and if I was pregnant I wouldn't be able to fly out. (Nothing actually changed we didn't use contraception) ....... I still haven't gotten a BFP and I still constantly imagine us with a baby........ However this month I decided to re-install glow and start tracking my periods again under not trying so that when we come back from our wedding we can start trying properly again.... Strange thing is, this month I have this strange feeling it's a positive energy, AF showed up around the right time but not as I expected...... Day one: watery blood only when I whipped 
Day two: could of wore the same Tampon all day as hardly had a flow
Day three: my flow was so light from day two forgot to put a tampon on for bed woke up panicking that i was about to destroy my bedding only to get up and absolutely nothing again only when I'd wiped.
Very strange for me, firstly a very short period. Secondly no warning, no painful boobs, and I usually flood !!
Now I'm here trying to concentrate on other things but my mind keeps drifting to what if's and maybes and I feel this little bubble of hope and excitement rise in my and I'm trying so so so hard to push it down. I don't want to test because if I do then I lose the hope and I keep telling myself I will wait to see what happens and if AF shows up on the 6th of September but then my wedding get away starts the 24th and obviously that's going to involve alcohol...... Can someone please talk some sense into me!!