Misleading???

It started a year ago. This seed that my relationship wasn’t the one for me to live a lifetime of. We talked through it. And tried to work through it. For a while we did, but i guess the saying old habits die hard is true? For him? I don’t feel respected enough. That’s what it comes down to. The sex is great the personal intimate moments are there but when we’re in front of a crowd I’m treated so..... distastefully. Which. You’d think it’d be the opposite. It’s never been. I’ve had comments. I’ve defended him. I’ve excused him. But Im just so done.

I don’t want this for the rest of my life.

We have an age gap of 1 year.I’m older. Were coming up on 4.5 years together.

He’s not in my state. We’re a 4 hour drive away. I work full-time freelancing. He’s in school still, but his crowd isn’t exceptional. I’m ready to let go.... but I feel like waiting for him to come home and talk about this and or finish this (if I have the courage to in the moment. It feels so hard... and I feel so no brave) is misleading him that things are “ok” and just “busy”

He’s said before he knows we don’t have much time to talk because I work..... and lately when I do have the time I feel not myself because I’m not entirely honest by not mentioning things aren’t okay......

I visit him Halloween weekend. Still unsettled. But determined to see him. When we had sex I didn’t feel intimate. It felt like i was just letting him fuck me. I felt physically nice at times. But other times I felt like I was laying there asking myself why I’m there with him if I’m losing love..... there’s so much more but this is my summary of it.

Any advice ladies??? I’m going to end things, I just wondering about the ties with his family? If you’ve ever been through it? Tell him now? Wait til his thanksgiving break? Wait til after his final exams? I just don’t know. I’ve never done this before. He was (is) my first serious boyfriend..... we’ve done so much and learned from each other but I’ve compromised myself more than I’m proud of and I can’t keep doing this with him.... pretending everything’s okay....