I can't do it....

I had a newborn on Thanksgiving. I only had 3 days with my husband before he had to go back to work. I have a 15 month old. The newborn is a BC baby. I tried talking about abortion with my husband, than when it was too late for that I tried to encourage adoption. Obviously be shut that down. I feel like all through my pregnancy I was forced to have and care for the newborn. I got everything for it when my husband should have because he said he would. I gave birth naturally which i am angry about because again, i was forced. I wanted pain meds. Everything has NOT been going my way.

We've been home for close to a week and I have cried every single day. Every 30 minutes. I have yelled and been extremely angry. I CANNOT balance a 15 month old and newborn. My head hurts. My body hurts. My husband doesnt get home til 9 and hes too tired to help. I don't want to care for the newborn. But I'm being forced to. I dont have a family or friends. I had my sister here for help but she hated it here, she said it so why make her stay??? She didnt interact with my 15 month old. Treated her like a chore.

I mentally cant take care of 2 kids! I warned him every single day. And guess what, now I'm suicidal. Does he care? No. Why would anyone care???? No one cared the whole 10 months I kept saying stuff and warning everyone and pleading for help. No one fucking cares!