Anxiety and derealization

I’m so frustrated, or more like annoyed because for the last two years or so I’ve been dealing with anxiety that derives from nowhere; I really believe my life is great, job, family and friends and all. and I truly see life as beautiful. But I get very anxious because I’ve been constantly having this feeling of “derealization”. I don’t see or hear anything abnormal. I just myself FEEL abnormal. I look down at my hands and just feel strange and I start feeling very very anxious. Let me not even get started on how I grew this huge fear for death and simply the unknown in general which to me has translated to everything. Because we genuinely don’t know the meaning of life or what/ why we are here ( okay sorry I’m getting a little out of topic 😅 ). I also get intrusive thoughts but I know those are stupid because that’s all they are- intrusive. I guess all the thoughts relating to anxiety are intrusive. Anyway, Ive tried the grounding method but that actually makes me a little more anxious. I’ve never had a panic attack per se but lately I wake up and can’t shake this feeling. It’s stressing me out that this is becoming my norm. It’s turning into a vicious cycle that I don’t really know how to get out of. I’m annoyed because this has become my main focus and I feel like I’m wasting time and my life is literally passing by and I haven’t been able to get a good grip and enjoy it because of the feeling.

All in all, I don’t want to hear: “maybe go see a therapist” ok yes thank u, next.

I want people to tell me they relate/ or maybe not. Just talk to me if you in anyway semi have been through anything similar. Let’s help each other feel grounded. You know?