***WARNING Long Post***

So a little back story.. My SO & I have been together for 3 1/2 years, living together after dating for 3 months. I'm 38 & he's 43, we have 7 children between us and our first grandbaby due in February! I know that all relationships go through bumps in the road and ours has had it's fair share. But we've stuck together and made it through! Having to work through kids working through adjusting to the new relationship, gaining custody of one child and traveling to Texas to get him only a week of our living together and dealing with his adjusting to everything and having behavior issues, dealing with another child with behavior issues that got physical, my SO getting stabbed and now dealing with PTSD and conversion disorder because of it, him becoming emotionally involved with another woman after that, my having a miscarriage last December, my SO losing job after job because the conversion disorder made it impossible for him to work, applying for disability, financially struggling because he can't work yet still doing the best we can to support our family, seeing doctor after doctor after doctor trying to find the right treatment for his PTSD and conversion disorder. But we've stuck together and made it work. Up til now, it seems. I love my SO so much and I know he loves me too. But loving someone and being IN love with them are two different things in my book. For the first 2 1/2 years, regardless of all we were going through, we managed to stay close and our sex life was amazing! It didn't matter what we were going through, I always felt like we continued to connect with each other and there was never a day that didn't go by where he SHOWED me that he loved me! Even after he got stabbed and was diagnosed with PTSD, that aspect of our life didn't change! But then he met HER. She was the manager of the apartment complex where he started work as the supervising maintenance manager. Where there was no one there all day, (aside from tenants coming and going) except them. She knew his situation and I feel like she took advantage of his PTSD and how down he felt about himself, to work her little hooks into him! I saw it immediately and it started causing problems between us. We started arguing all day everyday because of it. I begged him to stop and I talked about how it made me feel and he just kept on and on. He swears nothing went on between them. But I saw the looks, the little touches, the coy secretive smiles that pass between lovers, the disappearing act they pulled, the fact that he sided with her during a dispute on property where she made me leave on Halloween and he chose to stay and keep our children there as well instead of supporting me and packing the kids up and leaving with me. They carried on right in front of me and didn't care! She loved every minute of it and I feel like she made it a point to make sure I was aware of it. No amount of crying or pleading or begging made any difference to him. In fact, all he did was laugh, like hurting me was amusing to him. He eventually quit that job because of her and he finally saw what I was talking about on her part. However, he refused to talk about his part in it and I feel like I have no closure because of it. The month after he quit, I suffered a chemical pregnancy, which was devestating. I wanted that baby so badly! Still we managed and tried to move on. But as the months have passed, our sex life has dwindled down to non-existent. It's been over two months now since we've made love and everything else has stopped too. He doesn't hold my hand or kiss me like he used to. The joking around, the sexting, and little innuendos have all stopped. It's like there's nothing there anymore and I'm hurt and saddened by that. I can handle no sex, what I can't handle is feeling like he doesn't want me anymore. And it's not from lack of trying. I've talked til I'm blue in the face, I've even gone as far as to complain about it and still nothing. I don't know what to do anymore but I don't want to give up either.

If anyone has gone through something similar or has any advice, it would be much appreciated, because I love my SO and I want to make this work!

*EDIT*

If I thought for one minute that he was cheating, that would be it, but I know he isn't. We now own our own business and are together every day, all day! It helps with his conversion disorder and honestly, it helps me to feel more secure about our relationship too. I asked him recently (in a text) if he still wanted me and this is the response I got from him:

He says it's the meds the doctor has him on and maybe to some extent he's right. But that can't be the only reason. Maybe the meds hinder his ability to perform sexually, but it doesn't hinder his ability to show me that he still wants me. There are other ways to do so without having sex.

It may seem as if I'm coming across as being selfish, so let me just clarify that I am not. I do everything for him that I can, to show my love and support. I tell him I love him all the time, and I am affectionate towards him every day. I also try to be understanding and supportive of his situation with his PTSD. I make sure he takes all his meds every day, I make sure his appointments are scheduled and that he shows up for every one and I go with him to every single one. I go to work with him every day so that he can feel safe at work, as well as work alongside him, schedule client's, take care of the books, take care of the kids, the animals, the house to the best of my ability, take care of the bills and the money, as well as anything else that I can do. I don't feel like I'm asking for much when I say that I would like to feel wanted by him.

But I also feel like that other woman made him feel someway that I don't or can't. Like maybe she gave him something better than I can and because of that, he no longer wants me. I'm scared that I am going to lose him and he will leave like everyone else I've ever cared about. All my life, everyone I've ever cared about has only been out for themselves and when they got what they wanted, they chose to give up and leave. I've fought all my life to serve and protect everyone that I loved and yet, no one loved me enough to fight for me. For once in my life, I would like to be the one someone is fighting for.

***Update***

So my SO had an appointment yesterday with his Psychiatrist and much to my surprise, when the nurse asked if there were any concerns, he spoke up. He explained everything to her and to the doctor too! So the doctor changed his meds to something that doesn't have those types of side effects.

Being in a relationship with someone who has PTSD isn't easy. There is so much that they are going through and dealing with! And there is so much we go through trying to be strong and supportive for them! It's a daily struggle for everyone involved and it's scary too. And sometimes it hurts too! But I love my SO very much and no matter what we have to go through, we will do it TOGETHER!