Venting out.... I’m so stressed and depressed

When I first started dating my BF, He found out I had sex with other guy on the second date we met. I took full responsibility and we went separated ways, after a week he hit me up on Vday and we reconnected and started dating again.

When he was out of town. I wanted to hangout whit my old friends (mostly males) just to have a good time. We had an ugly argument after he came back that made him want to go through my phone and found out all the messages and freaked out to the point that he broke a lot of my glass jars and threw everything from the kitchen island on the floor and walks.

I know I fucked up the first time but I was sincere with him and told him if he couldn’t forgive me it wasn’t going to work and he decided to give it a shot because he liked me.

One day we were at the gym, training our separated ways. I walked towards him and saw his phone screen, he was sending DMs to a girl and she have send him ☺️😏😉😘 emojis. He never showed me the messages, told me to shut up that I was the cheater and she was just a friend.

Other night I put “I can’t sleep” snapchat. He when off the hook and say Im stupid and love attention.

Other day I posted on IG something about happiness. He took it so personal that told me that I’m not happy with him. To take the picture and post down because it make him look bad and I did. Also he say he was going to move out because he can’t be with a girl like that.

I don’t talk, flirt or hangout with friends (especially males) I only hangout with my fam because if I mention something to him I might start a war. Yet he goes to his friends house everyday and goes MIA sometimes that I have to questioned him and he gets mad when I asked about it and we ended up fighting.

I can’t like male friends pictures not other guys pictures on IG and he made me deleted all of my male friends. But his IG is the opposite he does have a lot of girls and like other girls picture. He told me they are girls he grow up with and only like their positive captions!!

He never leaves his phone around me. Always keep it in his pocket. Showers with it. If I’m seating or laying next to him he tilts his phone so I can’t see what’s going on in case I take a peek. I can’t leave my stuffs in his car or he takes them out.

We have been together for over 10 months now we do a lot things together but I’m not sure what he does at his friends house because he never answer the phone when I call. Or even mention something about going there.

If we argue or fight I’m always the big person and talk things out and try to fix them because he makes me feel guilty or turns the table.

When we have a disagreements on the phone all he say is : SHUT UP! Stop talking shit I can’t with this and hangs up the phone.

We haven’t talk in two days just because of that post on IG and me liking friends pictures. He told me you do you and I will do me. Now I see the type of person you are. You love attention and I can’t be with someone like that.

I have tried to talk to him but instead I got yelled, ignored and put down. So I’m staying quiet and just doing my thing.

I’m so heartbroken over the whole situation.

This is the third time since we have been together that he told me he will be moving out this time for sure.

I feel like I’m paying for what I did when we first started dating. I feel trapped and verbally abuse in the relationship. I do love him but I love myself more and I don’t know what to do at this point anymore.

Any advise will be very helpful !! Sorry for the long text just need to keep venting before I explote and my anxiety v me do something I might regret.