Okay so I know a lot of women go through sexual abuse or molesting or things within that category.

I’ve never been raped; however, when I was younger, some men had just ruined my childhood. They taught me things that I had no right knowing at that delicate age, they stalked me, touched me.. I didn’t tell my parents for a long long time because i was scared it was my fault. Of course now, I know it wasn’t.

It’s been years since that and i thought I was over it. Like I feel over it all.. but lately, I’ve found myself being totally and completely terrified of men.

Just tonight, I was talking with someone who I thought was a friend. He’s like 20+ years older than me, has two girls. I’m 17. We would just talk at the climbing gym (yes it’s a thing) his little girls climb and he climbs with them. Anyways, maybe I’m reading too much into this but it seems like he’s interested in me? UGH I SOUND LIKE SUCH A COCKY LITTLE NARCISSISTIC PERSON! I hate it! I’ve never been the girl to be aware of guys who were interested in me. And honestly, I’ve never been a girl who attracts many people, which I’m okay with cause I LOVE being single and I’m focused on my career. But he KNOWS I’m 17 and at first we would just talk about deep stuff and what not and then he would say things like “you’re wise beyond your age.” And that was nice. Not weird. But then today, he kept staring at me and getting super close, and was trying to and did hug me, and it just felt weird. I can’t explain it. My vibes are normally quite accurate though.. and then he said “oh you should spend Christmas with us..” like what? I’m— NO. His little girls love me and they are so sweet.. but it just got weird.

There are a few other things happening there too and I don’t know if I’m being paranoid and experiencing some post trauma or something or what.. I’ve always been the girl who stands up for herself and I take care of myself. But currently I feel so violated and scared... anybody else experience this?

I tried to think to myself that everyone is “just being nice..” but my gut is feeling something very very different..