Husband Cheated On Me..

July 2017 my now husband and I were still engaged. Our wedding was in November 2017.

For a week in July we went to Isle of Palms SC with his family, since they take a beach vacation every July, we went with.

There was absolutely NOTHING wrong with our relationship. We were always happy & had sex more often than your average couple does because that’s just how we were. Always loving, physically & verbally.

Well I didn’t find out til this year, 2018... and not by him telling me.. but he cheated on me while we were there.

We didn’t sleep in the same room in the condo because the older people in the family are a little funny about people sleeping together who aren’t married.. so he was on the couch and I roomed with his sister.

One night at 1 AM he snuck out to go 30 minutes away to Charleston, to meet up with a girl he met on a dating app that he downloaded just for the beach trip.

I found out about it this year, like i said.

Mostly because he had been on Snapchat again, rwhich he said he deleted months and months before hand because he sent a dick pic to some girl on there. I let that go and he said he was done with Snapchat.

Well 2 weeks after our daughter was born, I saw Snapchat was a recently used app and I was like what? So I found it in a folder of other apps, hidden.

So I was like if it’s hidden he mustn’t want me to see it.. so I naturally get curious and worried and look. Convos from multiple girls. Talking about being friends with benefits and everything. Lots more than that too. Never met up with anyone though.

And I saw from one conversation with someone that he said

“I got your username off of Bumble”

Turns out bumble is a dating app.

So I log into Bumble with his usual email and password. It works and there’s random convos from earlier 2018 and some from late 2017. And one from July 2017. The week we were at the beach..

Here’s what was said...

And

He had a hard time facing it when I confronted him. Said they only kissed and she was the first to kiss him. But I said in the messages months after it happened, he asked her if they used condoms.

So obviously there was more than just kissing.

He said she made him put one on to do oral. Weird. But believable I guess, because I’m the messages he said they should do “more than last time”

But also, he said

“You can dream about it if it was that good”

But what could be “that good” that she could dream about? Ya know??

It happened a year and a few months before i found out. Nothing could have been done at that time. It’d be over with for a long time. The stuff on Snapchat was talked about as well, and it’s settled as well.

The reason I’m posting this is because I forgive him, but I CANNOT forget it.

My anxiety freaks out and I immediately go back to that. I think about it more than I want to. He always wants me to talk about stuff that bothers me, but Sometimes I secretly just hold it in because it messes with him too. He regrets it severely. It makes us both sad that he made that kind of mistake.

I think about talking about it when it pops into my head, but it just puts us both into a weird mood and one or both of us end up crying.

Idk what to do to help myself from thinking about it. It kills me.