Do you want your in-laws around for the birth of your first baby?

I know this is a lot of information, but I just want to let you know some facts before you give me your opinion, which I would GREATLY APPRECIATE

Let me just start by saying, in general I wouldn’t have a problem with this, my hubby and I have been married for 3 years. But I’m due Christmas eve, and have tried to talk to him about this, and I’m just not sure how I feel.

They used to live in the state about 35 minutes from us, but his step-dad (His real dad died when he was 14 and his mom remarried (well the didn’t get married immediately but they moved in together and that’s when my husband moved to the state we live in now) 2 months later)

Now they live 2.5 hours away from us. (All is his family lives this far away)

We usually always go visit for Thanksgiving and Christmas, but we didn’t this year because I am very pregnant and didn’t want to travel.

I sent them Christmas cards (with gift cards to try to show we could do something for them even though we aren’t there)

They NEVER come visit us. They’ve said they’ll make time to take us to lunch but no. It’s always us to have to travel 😒

He has a brother, his brother used to live across country with his baby girl, and his gf who was on drugs. They wanted to get away so his mom drove 14 hours to go get his brother and his baby and steal them from the mom. I know this is controversial, but truth be told I’m glad they got the baby away from her it’s been 2 years and the mom doesn’t call, and has made no effort to see her child even when they have offered to fly her out here.

So the brother lived with his mom and step dad for a while, then he got a new gf, got her pregnant, and together they have 7 (yes 7) kids. They can’t maintain there relationship whatsoever, and it’s really sad, but his mom lets him come back home, she takes care of his baby and help support the brother when needed.

When brother moved out here, my hubby got kicked off the car insurance, so the (older) brother could be put on.

Now for the most recent stuff

His new baby was born in May, so around June we made a trip to them so go see the new baby and give them a gift. We got there and his brother never showed up. I asked his mom to keep my pregnancy a secret because we’ve had a miscarriage and we wanted to wait till the 2 trimester to announce. She didn’t do that. Because I had all sorts of random relatives telling me congratulations. 😤

She also told me in the visit how hard it was having 7 grandchildren already hard but that the first baby (we’ll call her Kara) was the more important, and that no other grandkids can comepare to her because she’s the first and that’s her baby girl.

Ever since that comment I’ve been livid 😡😡😡 it makes me feel like my baby (the first boy grandchild, will never be good enough anyways)

So since then she has not called me/texted me or asked me personally how I’m doing. She just texts my hubby occasionally, and will ask about me but it’s fake. 😒

I sent her an invitation to my baby shower and she didn’t respond. But she did text my hubby the night before to tell him they couldn’t make it.

They haven’t sent anything, or really asked what we needed. Finally now towards the end they asked and we said we need a baby monitor.

(Not sure when, or if I’ll ever get it)

But through all of this, she wants to know the minute I go into labor so they can be there.

I ABSOLUTELY DONT want ANYONE in the delivery room besides my mom, and my husband. I don’t want my own family around till the baby is here. It’s my first baby and I just want privacy. (Is that too much to ask?)

So now I really feel like...

I don’t even want to call and tell them when the baby is here.

I want to block them and just post it to Facebook and not let them come see until the baby is around 6 weeks by saying we’ll meet them for lunch (which they would probably decline anyways)

I absolutely am NOT traveling 2.5 hours away with my brand new infant at this time of year. (It’s very snowy and icey where we live)

And I just don’t want them around to see our brand new baby.

It’s not that I want to make my hubby feel bad by not wanting his mom around but I just feel like she has showed no care towards me or the baby so far, and even if they come see the baby. That will be it. They’ll see him and then won’t come visit, they’ll just wait for us to show up at thanksgiving. I don’t think it’s fair.

My mom says if she were on the other side she would be hurt, but the truth is I’m very hurt by my MIL attitude towards me. So I guess now here at the end of this long post the question I’m asking is... what would you do?

Call them and tell them baby is here?

Call and tell them baby is here, but we’re not ready for visitors?

No call, just a general post to Facebook so they find out like everyone else?

No post/no call. No nothing on baby?

Any opinions are welcome.