I need some advice please
Some people are destined to be alone forever. I'm starting to believe I'm one of them. I don't know what a real relationship is. I don't know to to act in one or what to do. Growing up in my early childhood I had 2 relationships to watch and learn from. One was my mom and my biological father. It wasn't a good one but at the time I didn't know that. He hit her and all of us and she never fought back. So I learned that I'm supposed to have a guy who is the boss and I don't get a say in anything. The other relationship was my grandma and her husband of the time. He was just like my father (which lead me to believe all guys were like this) except my grandma spoke back. But she was usually punished. So my in my mind I believed to find a guy who was the boss and never speak back because I will get in trouble. For about 7 years I had no relationship to base anything off of then suddenly my mom got married again. This one wasn't very good to follow either. In the years alone it seemed like my mother had found her voice and she wanted to make sure everyone knew it. She constantly belittled my step dad. In my mind as a 10 year old I learned that in a relationship if the guy is the boss then shut up or face the consequences but if you can become boss then do it and make the other guys life hell. Then I met him. He wasn't like the guys my family picks. He was caring and kind and loving. I was scared. How was I supposed to act? I had no idea so I acted the way I was raised. It didn't take long for me to realize that this wasn't the way to act. But yet again I didn't know how to act so I tried to change. When I tried to change I usually failed and when I failed I blew up. In doing all this I was pushing him further and further away without realizing before it was too late. So am I supposed to live life alone? I'm starting to believe so...He hasn't left yet..what should I do?
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