Grossed out by my boyfriend’s penis. Help!

It wasn’t always like this. At the beginning of our relationship we had a normal sex life. But it gradually got worse and worse and now I’m completely grossed out by his penis. And no, I don’t think it’s just him. I mean, I’m not going around and touching other guy’s dicks but even the slightest thought of a penis (or semen really) makes me gag. I don’t know why it’s like this? Maybe it’s not the penis itself but moreso cum and precum? I’m just so fucking grossed out by it and I want nothing to do with his penis. I don’t want to touch it, I don’t want it on any part of my body because he has so much precum and it grosses me out. I don’t want to give him head. EVER. I’m too grossed out to do it.

We have been together almost 3 years. I know it’s really unfair to him and he did nothing wrong. I have no idea why this happened and I feel so fucking bad about it. I hate it. So fucking much. I just want us to have a normal sex lift. We are young (20 and 22), I feel like we should be having a lot of sex. And vaginal sex is out or the question, as it just hurts so fucking bad. My vagina rips EVERY time we have sex and we cannot figure out why.

I don’t know how to get over this, but I want to very badly.