I don’t want to scare anyone but I had about the most traumatic birth experience one person can have..... but it resulted in my beautiful baby girl so I am one happy momma today.

Edit: I’ll share but don’t read it if you’re a FTM and want to read the desirable experiences.

I ended up having to be induced for high blood pressure, which we learned after some blood work wasn’t just high blood pressure, but pre-eclampsia. We tried prostaglandin gel for 3 days. At the 72 hour mark I had progressed enough and was stable enough for my doctor to feel comfortable starting pitocin (he didn’t want to until he established stability because of the risks that come with it). We tried that for 3 and a half hours but my daughter was not tolerating the contractions well - her heart rate was stable but she stopped moving. We decided that I had done everything possible for a vaginal birth and I was pleased with that, so our next option was a C-section.....

Here’s how my C-section went: the epidural ended up numbing my entire body not just my midsection down so I couldn’t feel myself breathing and was freaking out so they had to put me all the way under. There were complications and I was supposed to wake up 30 mins after she was out but it took 2 hours for them to wake me. I woke up with 5 people all standing around me trying to stimulate me to get me awake, and one person straddling me asking if I was ready to see the baby. All I could do was moan over and over but I finally was able to say yes after a couple of minutes. I was transferred to my room and my husband was doing skin to skin and got into bed next to me with her and I fell in love with him so hard in a new way (and her too of course). It was another hour before I could move my arms enough to hold her but I was able to reach out and stroke her face and the first thing I said was “she’s so cute”. The night went on and I felt a lot of blood come out of my vagina but I wasn’t sure if it was an okay amount. My husband got the midwife and she changed me, but right after she left a whole lot more came out. I ended up having a hemorrhage. I started getting really light headed, hot, and sweaty so I knew I was losing too much. The Dr came in and did an ultrasound. They had to massage my uterus and manually remove huge grapefruit sized clots out of me. I have never been in so much pain, even the contractions and C-section incision were a cake walk compared to it. They ended up filling 5 large potty pads and I had to get a blood transfusion. I have had to have a few other medications since to regulate my labs, but I am feeling much better now.

Our little angel is perfect. She literally does not cry and is breastfeeding like a champ.