How to you handle someone coming to talk to you as part of their steps for counseling?

Question

A person who is a member of my family wants to talk to my husband and me as a part of their steps for counseling. Which would be fine except this person has a history of manipulation and I’m worried this is just another tactic to guilt trip me into feeling like everything is my fault and I should apologize. Is there anything I can say that will diffuse the situation without being forced to apologize? My gut tells me I just shouldn’t say anything and just let the person do the talking and just nod and listen. Does anyone have any experience with this kind of thing? What’s my best option?

Answer

Moral and personal recognizance is part of recovery. It gives the person in recovery an opportunity to hold themselves accountable, by taking responsibility for his/her actions, expressing remorse for what they've done, apologizing for their actions with a sincere heart, and trying to make amends with the people they've hurt. I see no reason why you shouldn't at the very least, hear him out. Listen to what he has to say. But don't think that that's all you should do is just listen. I mean, be kind, and keep it civil, but don't be afraid to tell him how you both feel, express your thoughts and feelings. Let him know how his actions have affected you. He needs to hear it, and he should be willing to listen as well. After hearing him express his remorse and all that jazz, and after he's given you guys a chance to express your thoughts and feelings, then you can all go from there. If there's a part of you that still don't trust him, and don't think you guys can get past it and heal your relationship, then so be it. You can choose to forgive someone and wish them well, and they can learn how to accept and respect your wishes knowing that he tried, only now he can work on forgiving himself and moving forward with or without you guys. Or if you feel like you can work on trusting him again, and having a better relationship with that person, you can discuss ways to make it work. It's part of reconciliation and reintegration. But that's up to you guys to decide where to go from here after you've all sat down and had a civil discussion.

Answer

If it’s part of their counseling, it’s likely that it’s part of their healing to apologize for anything they’ve done to people that have strained the relationships or that they can’t let go of. I would hear them out. You’d likely be able to tell if they were manipulating you or trying to put the blame on you and you could put an end to it there, but at least give them a chance to make it right if that’s honestly what they’re trying to do. You never know.

Answer

I would let them all and thank them for their apology.

Answer

As Danielle said, let the person talk. You listen. You thank them for their apology. You don’t owe them anything in this scenario. You are doing enough by listening. 
If the interaction ventures into manipulation, then you call it off. Establish and stick to boundaries.

Answer

I would tell them to fuck off. I will bot be anyones therapy (and that is coming from someone who has been going to therapy for years).

Answer

In my opinion I would just tell them what they want to hear and not have much to do with them afterwards (which probably wouldn’t be any different then before) ... that way they can do what they need to do and then leave me alone. But I don’t have much to do with people any ways

How to you handle someone coming to talk to you as part of their steps for counseling?

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