Trying to wait but cracking

I know I am only 8 weeks so I have a while to fight with finding out but I read a lot of the replies on my poll and loved the input and decided to wait based on the story’s and everything but one really stayed with me about wanting to know because bonding is hard and I am having a hard time bonding since I am still working on my postpartum depression from my first. It was awful! And I am so scared of that happening again. Any of it. Butttt maybe knowing this baby’s gender really would let me bond. But maybe it would make it worse if bad things do happen 💔❤️ help me mamas.