..I have been with my boyfriend for 6 months now. He says he loves me and when I am with him he is incredible attentive. He’s affectionate and I always feel good when around him. However… I’ve found that he often tells white lies about the most ridiculous of things. I’m very open minded and non judgmental and would probably label myself as an empath- pretty easy to talk to with no repercussions of harsh judgements in a nut shell. My boyfriend is quite the opposite. Quite harsh and judgmental with narrow minded moral standards at times (childish and immature). On the flip side he is a fantastic father and runs his own business so is quite capable of being a grown up.

My issue is that he has lied about so many things. For instance he told me that he has always used condoms, hates dating sites such as tinder, has never engaged in casual sex, doesn’t smoke and has always been faithful to his previous girlfriends “apart from one time”. I’ve always maintained that I don’t care about the past I just care about us and how he treats me. We’ve all got a past and made mistakes. He has made me feel bad for admitting I had a casual relationship before him and has also made me feel awful for telling a white lie. This white lie was me saying that “I’m on my way” when really I was just getting out the shower and he expressed that trust was a big thing for him. I personally thought it was a harmless lie.

Anyway it has since materialised that all the above (2nd paragraph) was actually untrue. He does smoke (I don’t care), he hasn’t always worn condoms (we’ve all done that at some point and I never actually bought into that), has been on tinder and engaged in casual sex and has cheated on all previous girlfriends. I don’t understand why he lies but he does? And I don’t understand why he would make such a fuss of everybody else’s moral compass when he has been out there doing exactly the same?

Moreover he can be selfish. He will tell me that he has no time due to running his own business and a son- I get that 100%. He tells me that he isn’t on as much money so can’t afford to do things with me much- I also get that. But he has booked a fishing holiday with his friends for his birthday and has also booked a surf camp (with friends) in February.

My point is, I feel like an afterthought. At this stage in our relationship surely he should want to spend a weekend away with me (I would never expect him to pay my part). Or even pre plan some events with

me. He kind of expects that whenever he is free I will be available.

On the flip side he is incredibly sweet and loving and I feel amazing when around him. We live 1.5 hours away from each other and I also have a son so spending time together can be difficult. Which is why I would like for him to ore plan with me, not just say “when I’m free we can do something”

In short- I don’t understand his lies, his past makes me wary and I feel like a bit of an afterthought. Plus my gut instinct about him has been doing flips since day one because he has always been suspicious of what I’m up to and I have no idea why. Maybe it’s because it’s actually him that’s not trustworthy? Or maybe it’s bad timing in his life for him to start a relationship as he has started a new business and only got out of a very toxic relationship about 6 months ago. Plus he’s been in relationships since 15 with zero respite in between all bar a few months here and there. He’s 29 now (30 in may)

I need help!!! Am I being overly cautious and needy or is my intuition correct?

*UPDATE*

so I finished it with him. I said that I didn’t feel the relationship was going anywhere and that it’s been more aggravation when, at this stage , it should be fun and we should be spending time together and doing things. I said that I don’t want to take a relationship like this into the new year and it’s better if we just leave it. I then told him that I don’t want to leave on a bad note and I hope he finds someone that can make him happy. His response was to tell me that “I know what you mean” and say that that’s fair enough and do I have any stuff left at his. I told him to bin whatever was there as I don’t need it. He then proceeded to tell me “good luck and take care” and I did the same. This response came form a guy who had recently been cuddling and kissing me and telling me how much he loves me. Oh, and taking me to his parents for dinner. Anyway, weight lifted. I’ll be damned if I try to waste energy on figuring that one out.

Thank you everyone for all your advice and opinions

Much love xx

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