IUI #1 failed

I had my first

IUI

12/21 and went today for my beta bloodwork. Got the call around 3pm that it was negative 😭😭😭 I knew it was coming (feels like AF coming and my hpts were neg) but seriously this is so so hard. I managed to keep it together at work but cried most of the way home. Going through the poking and prodding just to have it fail is painful. Like...before we went to the RE and had testing and now first treatment cycle, I could ignore the fact that I was infertile- it just hadn’t worked yet! Maybe our timing was off, etc etc. Now I feel very very infertile.

100mil sperm post wash from my hubs, so it feels like all my fault.

Sorry for rambling, I’m just a mess tonight. Can’t wait for AF to just start already so we can start again 😭😭