So I have a serious problem with my family. Ever since I was a child they used to beat me up, sometimes until I bleed or get bruises, my mom used to take my phone for weeks and chat with my friends and call them pretending to be me to find out my secrets, she manipulated my dad to punish me when I got Bs in school and they kept saying I’m gonna be a slut because I can’t do anything else. Last summer my dad told me to kill myself because I’m not worthy and because my mom was holding him he told me to hit my head on the floor until I bleed and pass out. Of course I didn’t. I was ready to kill myself but I remembered I still can escape. I’ve been living in a different country for almost three years now and I haven’t been home for 2 years. My mother keeps controlling me and she only texts me when I post pictures in a swimsuit or where my butt looks big to say that they’re slutty and no one will hire me if I post them. She rarely cares about my health and well-being and she’s only interested in my love life. I got tired of that and told her that she should stop being controlling and strict and she should try to be a friend to me because I’m almost 20 now and it’s no time to teach me how to live, I apologized for being rude to her in previous messages where I said that next time I take a picture on the beach I’ll wear a hijab. She said she’s never been strict and the only thing I do is feel offended by everything she says. I reminded her about my childhood saying I remember everything and I try my best to forgive her.. and now she doesn’t talk to me at all and she told all of my relatives about what an ungrateful bitch I am. I’d happily stop talking to my family if they didn’t pay my university tuition which is too much for me to earn on my own (they agreed to pay it and now my father blames me for sucking money out of the family, he doesn’t want to work so my mother earns most of the money) and if I didn’t have little siblings that I want to keep in touch with. Now my relatives keep calling me saying I have to apologize and what happened in the past should stay in the past no matter how much it hurts me. They think it’s only my father I should be angry at and my mother is just a victim of his abusive behavior. I feel like my feelings are not a thing that is possible to forget. I still get nightmares about my parents trying to kill me and me not being able to answer and I feel like that is how my life is actually going now.. So should I really try to forgive them and hope they will change or should I stay my ground and wait until they apologize? Below is the picture we had a fight over.