Devastated

I am devastated. Dh & I have been ttc for 7 mo now. He wanted it sooo bad bc he has no children & he’s 35. I have 3.. Every month he got so upset when af showed.

Last nite I was talking to him about going on clomid. I don’t have issues, but wanted to up my chances & my ob told me she was gonna put me on it next appt. I was against it, but after so many bfn’s I changed my mind.

Then he tells me we need to take a break for a few months. I thought at first he was just meaning to stop charting bbt & using opks. Then I ask how we would “take a break”. He says to use condoms. Said we need to focus on the kids we do have. I’ve been having issues w baby dads. One is taking me to court for something ridiculous & dh just spend $4600 for that & the other just went off on him & he thinks he’s gonna take me to court to. They both hate me bc I’m happy & want to make me pay.

Obviously I’m not going to use protection & suggest he get a vasectomy. I’m 36. There’s no waiting a few months. I have a 15, 12, & 1 year old.

My heart is broken bc I wanted a baby w my love. But I want to make him happy more than ANYTHING bc he deserves it & is so good to us.

The worst part is I’m 2 dpo & I have dreamed of surprising him w my pos hpt for so many months now. If I get it this time I will feel like it’s not wonderful news & he doesn’t want a baby.

Laying here & cant sleep bc I’m just devastated now...