I am not breastfeeding. I had a very horrible experience with my daughter almost starving to death and I still have really bad doctor diagnosed PTSD from it. I'm not interested in going through it again and even just leaking at 31 weeks caused me to have a major breakdown and triggers and flashbacks. To me, it isn't worth it, due to the stress it would cause me and inadvertently, my son.

With that being said, what do I do about latching after birth? I am thinking about letting him have colostrum and then switching to formula, but I'm scared to encourage milk production at the same time because I really really don't think this is the path for me.

No judgment and shaming please, as trust me, I've shamed myself for this long enough, but it's been two years and I'm not over the PTSD so I think it's best to focus on getting back on my medication and getting treatment than to worry myself with breastfeeding after such a traumatic experience with my first. I know all babies are different. I know my body could work this time, but for my mental health I don't think it's a good idea to risk it.