Please excuse how sloppy this post may be, as I'm typing with shakey hands and through tears. I've been with my "partner" for about five years. And honestly it's been he'll the whole way. A little backstory, I grew up pretty sheltered, I see that now. I met him when I turned 19, I had only had 2 serious relationships/ sexual partners before him, this is key. He was 26 when he met me. I loved his maturity and he seemed to be a really sweet guy. I asked him to move into my home, after 2 months. My first home that my grandparents bought so I could move out of my mother's house and be able to still be under my family's care. Within the year I lived in that home he destroyed it and me. He had me thinking I was always the problem and that everything wrong in our life was caused by me. He even had me convinced that my grandparents would kick me out of the house if he stopped paying bills. He decided to grow pot in the backyard. The neighbors tipped police and he was promptly put in jail. He has me pay to get him out. This was the second time he was arrested by this point. There will be 16 more times he is arrested throughout our relationship. So in fear he abandons the house and has me live in a tent in the woods with him for another 6 months this will be my first time being homeless with him, but not the last. We travel to Nashville Tennessee where his birth mother lived, thinking shed help house us. She put us in a extended stay hotel and we never hear from her again. We seem to stabilize but his mental abuse continues. Demanding I work 2 jobs to pay bills and feed his smoking habit while he sits around all day. We end up homeless again, living in a 2 seater car with his dog, parking at Wal-Mart's where truckers stay to catch some sleep. He's yelling at me again and I yell back. He hits me again, this time it's bad and he's strangled me. The look in his eyes said he was ready to kill me, but for some reason he let go. My nose and mouth are bleeding and my eyes swell shut. I turned a white towel in the car pink from all the blood. I hop on a bus home and within a week he is back in my state and demands to see me. I'm so terrified of him at this point I see no other way but compliance. I leave with him again and we live in another extended stay motel and it's as far away from my family he can get without them thinking he kidnapped me. The verbal abuse continues. I end up pregnant, something doctors told me wasn't possible. Though fearful, I'm excited about my baby. I didn't think I'd ever get the chance to be a mother. While pregnant he continues to abuse me. Mostly verbally, but every now and then I get sick of it and yell back. The wrestled and held me on the ground, stomach down multiple times. I give birth to a beautiful and thankfully completely healthy baby girl. The abuse continues. Now she is a year old and he just left the bedroom he demands I stay in alone, screaming at me for not sexually pleasing him enough. He says he's done and will leave me penniless to handle all bills with no job, no income while he lives in the house. Honestly I was to slit my fucking wrists right now but the thought of him fully having my daughter scares me worse than anything I will never stop fighting to protect her. I want out, I've begged for help but no one seems to get the severity of us needing a way out. I'm trapped, just like he wanted from the beginning. I don't know what to do anymore and fear for our safety