I guess I'm writing this for opinions. Basically, my boyfriend broke up with me the day after Christmas (we were together for a year and a half, but I've liked him for four years and I've been in his family for six years. His little sister was my best friend during highschool)

We had an amazing relationship, with zero underlying issues. Even being broken up, I can't see any red flags that indicated we were going to break up/him or myself in a wrongful manner. His reasoning was that he fell out of love with me. He said he doesn't know what went wrong and I know he honestly means that. We haven't shut out the idea of getting back together, and want to remain friends after.

Last night I texted him a long paragraph, basically stating I knew he was going to say no, but that I needed to ask to give myself a peace of mind asking him. We never had p in v sex while dating. I wanted to save that for our marriage night. He was okay with that because his last girlfriend was very toxic and used him for sex. We did however have anal, would occasionally 69, I gave him road head before, and he was the first person I'd ever touched/first person to ever touch me. He wasn't my first kiss, but he was my first makeout. Long story short, I explained all that (which he already knew) and I told him it would mean a lot for me to have him take my virginity. He makes me feel so comfortable in my skin, and I'm scared I'm not going to get that later in life.

I see him on Sunday's still, and its not awkward. We don't really talk, but we acknowledge each other and say hi.

Anyways, this is what he said back to me:

I’m just going to start off by saying no to your request. I know you’re feeling a lot of emotions that you don’t necessarily understand right now and I also overheard you telling Jaems you wished I’d get a girlfriend so you could move on. I know you think these things will make you feel better and that they are what you really want but I know if we were to have sex you would regret it down the road. It isn’t fun telling your significant other that you won’t be able to give your first time to them and I know you feel like you won’t ever find someone and that there isn’t anyone else out there for you but trust me there is. With the getting another girlfriend thing I know you think that will give you closure and make you feel better but all it will do if surface other emotions you didn’t think you would feel and it will just start the emotional roller coaster all over again. I know you are hurting and I really am sorry about that but you can’t let this cause you to make mistakes you will regret in the future. Take it from someone who regrets losing his first.

I don't know how to feel. I figured he was going to say no, but I guess actually seeing him say no made me feel weird.