Guilt over leaving. Help?? 😣

Hey ladies. Just need someone to talk to about all of this I guess.

I was talking to a man, a lot older than myself, for about a year. For months we’d talked about being together but never made it official. We’d make plans and he’d ghost me or cancel right as I’m supposed to be meeting him.

I’d never been to his place. He refused to give us a title, knowing how much it means to me. (He always said he “wasn’t ready” and needed to “work on himself” before being with me)

No one even knew about me.

He would come see me just long enough to have sex and then usually leave shortly after. We’ve had issues with social media

(Example: Some random tagging him in sexual things on tumblr, he said it was his ex trying to get his attention. He deactivated his Instagram and Snapchat just to make a new Snapchat days later but “just for the camera”. He still blocked me on it though.)

Typing all of this out I feel stupid for needing the reassurance. But for months and months we planned a life together. Named our future kids. He was the first person I’ve genuinely loved since my ex, which was a really awful relationship. I feel awful for calling it off, his birthday is in just a few weeks. Am I in the wrong here for wanting better?