Where do I start?

Im depressed, I can feel it. I’m not sure if I cause myself to be depressed, or if I really just am. I have a history of taking Prozac when I was in middle-high school for depression. I overthink and I fantasize about owning a gun and one day taking my own life. What’s the reality? I’m scared to die, I want someone to acknowledge me, my sadness. I try to tell my husband, but he just thinks it’s because I’m hormonal. I go through sprees where I get angry and hurt myself. I’ve taken countless of over the counter medication at a time to fall asleep whenever I don’t want to feel anything. I could be upset at 1am and i tell myself I need to go for a job, but as I’m jogging i cry. I know it’s dangerous outside, i don’t know why i go. I don’t know if I’m depressed or just seeking attention, it hurts. -am i a bad person? I don’t understand and I’m tired. The only way for me to sleep is to take sleeping medication, i feel restless. I’ve tried everything, nothing works. I don’t want to feel like this anymore, it hurts. Someone please help me.