My son was born on 1.20.19 after 50 hours of labor....36 in the hospital, 29 of which I had an epidural, pitocin and IV fluids. I have never had such a long labor in my life. My first two were fast; 8 hours and 3.5 hours.

Here I am, approaching 4 days PP and my son has been readmitted to the hospital. I feel like such a failure. I thought he was nursing fine. We had pees, poops. He was pretty regular with his nurses, only 5 to 10 minutes on each side.

Last night, things changed. I noticed he was jaundice and he was feeding too long, too often. I got zero sleep.

10am this morning, his billi was 13.3 and he had lost 12% of his body weight. His pediatrician told me to keep doing what I was doing and to follow up with lactation and come in for a nurse visit tomorrow. But my baby should have been hungry so she called to see if lactation was available.

My visit with lactation? I was a horrible mess. Crying and couldn't stop the tears. He was so lethargic he wouldn't even wake up to feed. She measured his billi at 16.9. We were admitted before we even got blood tests back.

She asked me if it was ok to supplement him and I was like duh. She told me women actually starve their babies, not intentionally but refusing the see the truth.

So next feeding was 3pm. We had the lactation specialist in and thats when we discovered that my son is a bit of faker. His latch looks good until you really observe his jaw movement. He literally was not getting any transition. Pre and post weight cofirmed that.

Next feeding was 6pm; we got a better latch but he still got zero transition.

So now I am pumping, which I still have colostrum, and my baby gets that first and then formula. We aim foe 60ml per feeding. Slowly getting there.

I have learned so much about breasfeeding today and all the factors that led to this. Beginning with my prolonged labor and massive fluid intake. I am literally carrying 30lbs of water.

But I worry we can't fix his latch? I have so many emotions about this. My eyes are almost swollen shut from it.